Good grief the week passed by so fast. I didn't realize it has been 5 days since I last blogged. I haven't been keeping up with reading them either. And that's very unusual because I love my blog reading with coffee in the morning. It's been that kind of week though. A bazillion things to do and only half that time to do it in. Ye old house is coming together pretty good. If only Gimli (the lab puppy) would stop managing to find napkins, rolls of toilet paper, boxes and plastic bags to rip apart, my floors might actually stay clean. Not for long, mind you, but longer than they look clean with chunks of paper all over them. It's like we had a shredder disaster or something.
Tonight I went to the grocery store and saved 58.00 on almost 140.00 worth of stuff. Granted I bought no meats, so that don't make me the kind of bargain shopper my husband is, but saving 58.00 for me is a big deal. I'm lucky to walk out of the grocery without spending way over 150.00 and we still have trouble finding stuff to eat. How do we do that?
In other news. Yesterday was Leirin's 12th birthday. My baby is growing up. So here comes my yearly sentimental rambling about my first born. Consider yourself warned. All my life I had wanted to get married and have babies. I was 23 years old when she was born. Not married either, but that's never bothered me. Griped a few of my family members though. She was born on a Thursday morning at 3am. I don't remember too much about labor except for wanting to stop and go home. I'd been given demerol long before I needed anything for pain and since I'm super sensitive to it, it drove me completely insane. I've since had one child completely natural and one with an epidural. While I liked having a chance to nap right through contractions with the epi, and I'm slightly ashamed at having begged, at one point, for so much as a tylenol to help with the pain of the natural birth, it was by far the easiest on my body overall.
But that's not what this is about. Leirin, the first thing in the world to ever belong only to me. That's what this is about. And how much I love her.
My mom was with me during labor and delivery. We hadn't got to take any lamaze classes. Actually they didn't offer them to us. I think at that time it was probably only something that an actual couple was privileged enough to have access to. But she was there, ready to help. She was mighty cute in her green scrubs and poofy surgical cap. I can remember how she would talk to me when the demerol was really wigging me out, and when I I started to feel a lot of pain she didn't know how to tell me to breathe, but she did her best to keep me focused on anything but the pain. And when it had subsided, she'd do what I'm pretty sure all good moms do when they watch their children suffer through something they can do nothing to stop. She'd go throw up. I love my mom.
I was in labor for 9 hours total before I went to the delivery room. Leirin came so quickly the nurse had to deliver her. Of course the doctor still collected the fee, I'm quite sure. But he was a no show. She was supposed to be a boy. Thomas Adam Smith I think was the name I had picked. I'm not sure anymore. It might have been Michael something. I do remember however that the only outfit I had packed for bringing the baby home from the hospital in was a boys striped baseball outfit with matching teenie tiny tube socks (my mom was sweet enough to go buy me a supply of frilly dresses). My brother had told me I was going to have a boy. We were convinced of it and why I listened to him I have no clue because he was just as ignorant as I was, but I believed it. When Leirin was born the nurse looked up at me and smiling said "You have a little girl." "Is he alright?" I asked. DUH
I blame it on the drugs.
I didn't get to see Leirin for a while after she was born. Her lungs were full of fluid and the respiratory therapist had to work with her for a while to get her breathing right. He got her fixed up pretty quick though and they finally brought her over to see me just as I was getting ready to be wheeled to recovery. (This was back in the day when labor was done in one butt ugly sterile metal and white room, delivery was in yet another room much the same and recovery was pretty much like being parallel parked behind a curtain just outside the hallway.)
She was wrapped in a blanket and there was a little pink and white striped stocking cap on her little cone-shaped head. Her skin, at first so blue, was now glowing pink and she stared at me with eyes so deep brown they looked almost black. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Five tiny little fingers curled around mine and held on almost as tightly as I wanted to hold on to her. She snuggled her head close to my chest contentedly. I can remember my mom standing beside me crying. That's what my mom does, and as inherited traits tend to go that way, it's what I do to. Only I was too amazed to cry just yet. I was still in shock, and the drugs were still in control. I probably couldn't have fallen without assistance at that point.
I was a mommy.
My brother, bless his heart, had slept underneath a chair in the waiting room all night long. He was to start a new job the next morning (wouldn't you know it...unemployed all freaking summer and the day he gets a job I go into labor) but he wasn't going to leave me - not for a minute. And he didn't. When work was over that day, the hospital was his first stop on the way home. I really love my brother. Many times throughout the years since he's been just as devoted. He's been at the hospital when each of my children were born. Always dependable. I really have to write about him sometime. Maybe I can do that tomorrow.
Leirin spent the day napping with me in my room. She never made a sound except when she needed fed or changed. Every nurse said she was the most beautiful baby they thought they'd ever seen. I had thought they must say that to everybody, but I can't say now how many times we were stopped by people wanting to admire her and tell me the same thing. I was so proud of her. I couldn't believe I did that.
For such a long time she was my best friend. The person I spent all my time with. I could tell her anything and she'd listen quietly. Sometimes she'd make me laugh so hard I'd feel silly. I had never loved anyone so much. She brought to life the meaning of the words my mama always told me. "One day you'll have a little girl or boy of your own and you'll understand." She was right. Everything my mom ever refused to let me do. Every worry she ever had, even the unreasonable ones. Every bit of protectiveness...now I knew why.
Leirin is still quite beautiful. Her hair is long, the color of rich coffee, and wavy. She still has those large, gloriously beautiful eyes and long lashes. She will still listen to my stories sometimes when I can catch her sitting still somewhere. She makes me laugh hysterically on occasion. She's growing up though. Doing her own thing. Learning to be her own person - making plans for her life. She amazes me. And I still can't believe I did that.
Tonight I went to the grocery store and saved 58.00 on almost 140.00 worth of stuff. Granted I bought no meats, so that don't make me the kind of bargain shopper my husband is, but saving 58.00 for me is a big deal. I'm lucky to walk out of the grocery without spending way over 150.00 and we still have trouble finding stuff to eat. How do we do that?
In other news. Yesterday was Leirin's 12th birthday. My baby is growing up. So here comes my yearly sentimental rambling about my first born. Consider yourself warned. All my life I had wanted to get married and have babies. I was 23 years old when she was born. Not married either, but that's never bothered me. Griped a few of my family members though. She was born on a Thursday morning at 3am. I don't remember too much about labor except for wanting to stop and go home. I'd been given demerol long before I needed anything for pain and since I'm super sensitive to it, it drove me completely insane. I've since had one child completely natural and one with an epidural. While I liked having a chance to nap right through contractions with the epi, and I'm slightly ashamed at having begged, at one point, for so much as a tylenol to help with the pain of the natural birth, it was by far the easiest on my body overall.
But that's not what this is about. Leirin, the first thing in the world to ever belong only to me. That's what this is about. And how much I love her.
My mom was with me during labor and delivery. We hadn't got to take any lamaze classes. Actually they didn't offer them to us. I think at that time it was probably only something that an actual couple was privileged enough to have access to. But she was there, ready to help. She was mighty cute in her green scrubs and poofy surgical cap. I can remember how she would talk to me when the demerol was really wigging me out, and when I I started to feel a lot of pain she didn't know how to tell me to breathe, but she did her best to keep me focused on anything but the pain. And when it had subsided, she'd do what I'm pretty sure all good moms do when they watch their children suffer through something they can do nothing to stop. She'd go throw up. I love my mom.
I was in labor for 9 hours total before I went to the delivery room. Leirin came so quickly the nurse had to deliver her. Of course the doctor still collected the fee, I'm quite sure. But he was a no show. She was supposed to be a boy. Thomas Adam Smith I think was the name I had picked. I'm not sure anymore. It might have been Michael something. I do remember however that the only outfit I had packed for bringing the baby home from the hospital in was a boys striped baseball outfit with matching teenie tiny tube socks (my mom was sweet enough to go buy me a supply of frilly dresses). My brother had told me I was going to have a boy. We were convinced of it and why I listened to him I have no clue because he was just as ignorant as I was, but I believed it. When Leirin was born the nurse looked up at me and smiling said "You have a little girl." "Is he alright?" I asked. DUH
I blame it on the drugs.
I didn't get to see Leirin for a while after she was born. Her lungs were full of fluid and the respiratory therapist had to work with her for a while to get her breathing right. He got her fixed up pretty quick though and they finally brought her over to see me just as I was getting ready to be wheeled to recovery. (This was back in the day when labor was done in one butt ugly sterile metal and white room, delivery was in yet another room much the same and recovery was pretty much like being parallel parked behind a curtain just outside the hallway.)
She was wrapped in a blanket and there was a little pink and white striped stocking cap on her little cone-shaped head. Her skin, at first so blue, was now glowing pink and she stared at me with eyes so deep brown they looked almost black. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Five tiny little fingers curled around mine and held on almost as tightly as I wanted to hold on to her. She snuggled her head close to my chest contentedly. I can remember my mom standing beside me crying. That's what my mom does, and as inherited traits tend to go that way, it's what I do to. Only I was too amazed to cry just yet. I was still in shock, and the drugs were still in control. I probably couldn't have fallen without assistance at that point.
I was a mommy.
My brother, bless his heart, had slept underneath a chair in the waiting room all night long. He was to start a new job the next morning (wouldn't you know it...unemployed all freaking summer and the day he gets a job I go into labor) but he wasn't going to leave me - not for a minute. And he didn't. When work was over that day, the hospital was his first stop on the way home. I really love my brother. Many times throughout the years since he's been just as devoted. He's been at the hospital when each of my children were born. Always dependable. I really have to write about him sometime. Maybe I can do that tomorrow.
Leirin spent the day napping with me in my room. She never made a sound except when she needed fed or changed. Every nurse said she was the most beautiful baby they thought they'd ever seen. I had thought they must say that to everybody, but I can't say now how many times we were stopped by people wanting to admire her and tell me the same thing. I was so proud of her. I couldn't believe I did that.
For such a long time she was my best friend. The person I spent all my time with. I could tell her anything and she'd listen quietly. Sometimes she'd make me laugh so hard I'd feel silly. I had never loved anyone so much. She brought to life the meaning of the words my mama always told me. "One day you'll have a little girl or boy of your own and you'll understand." She was right. Everything my mom ever refused to let me do. Every worry she ever had, even the unreasonable ones. Every bit of protectiveness...now I knew why.
Leirin is still quite beautiful. Her hair is long, the color of rich coffee, and wavy. She still has those large, gloriously beautiful eyes and long lashes. She will still listen to my stories sometimes when I can catch her sitting still somewhere. She makes me laugh hysterically on occasion. She's growing up though. Doing her own thing. Learning to be her own person - making plans for her life. She amazes me. And I still can't believe I did that.
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