Spend the night
My mom and dad planned a cookout yesterday at the last minute. Not that it was difficult to do; my brother and his wife are already living with my mom while they wait for their new house to be completed, and since my pop ends up at my mom's house most weekends or days off, all it required was a call to me and a chat with my grandma next door. My husband closed the restaurant early due to lack of interest from customers, so even he was able to make the trip with us. The kids were excited, dad usually only gets to be off work on Thanksgiving and Christmas day, so it was an event.
My sister-in-law's parents were there visiting when we arrived. Her mom has Alzheimers and it's heartbreaking. I remember this woman when she was probably my age. A sharp-as-a-tack red-head with a strong, clear voice and a wit to match, she had been. Not now. Now she sits staring blankly at the action around her, looking like she's lost and confused. I watch my sister-in-law and my heart aches for her - the mama's girl of her family, the baby, the one with a new baby of her own that her own mother now doesn't recognize much of the time. My mother-in-law didn't live to see our last child born and that pains me. There have been so many moments I wish I could have shared with her- that I wish she could have shared with him. I wonder if my sister-in-law feels like that about her mom even though she is still living and it makes my heart ache more. I'm often left wondering, after I see her, if people with this disease are clear-minded inside and just incapable of getting thoughts out. Like, maybe she watches my nephew play and thinks "That baby is getting so big, he's just like you were when you were little. And look at his hair, it will be red yet - he has the temper, that's for sure. Blow grandma a kiss big boy." but all that will come out is "I don't know what to say." I sincerely hope not. It's a wicked disease.
When the patties were pounded and the grill was hot, we headed out back to the grill while the kids went screaming for the pool. Jake is becoming the master of the dog paddle in his new swim suit with built in floaty thingies. That boy cuts through the water like a hot knife through butter now. If only he could close his mouth and stop swallowing so much of it. Occasionally he will get caught in the face by a wave created by the girls' splashing and when he's finished choking and belching, he will give me a thumbs up and paddle on. They had been in the pool just long enough to get wet real good when thunder rolled in the distance, just faint enough for us to wonder if it might be fireworks. Just a few minutes later from over the tops of the tall oak trees, came a patch of clouds dark as night. As they slid across the sky above the tree-tops a wind whipped underneath them, sending leaves from the big oaks twirling through the air toward the ground. Unmistakable thunder clapped loudly close by this time, and we hustled the kids out of the pool and to the safety of the house. We just managed to get the food off the grill before the rain came. We sat inside the house, chowing down and marveling at how fast that storm had come from out of the blue. Emily ate an incredible 2 cheeseburgers AND a hotdog, some chips, and a piece of cake for desert. WOW! I hope she wasn't up all night with a tummy ache. The kids got to go swimming again a couple hours later when the storm had passed through, and they were finally happy.
Emily asked my grandma if she could spend the night with her since nany's house is so crowded with my brother's family living there and just getting settled in. Of course, that meant Jake wanted to stay too. It's hard to know what to do when Jake asks to spend the night with someone because he has a history of not staying. He used to go to my mom's and once dark rolled around, he was ready to come home. "But Nany," he'd say "I've aw-weady spent the night a wong time." and I'd have to pick him up. Lately though, he's been actually spending the night - except for that last time when he came home with a tummy ache. It's hard to tell him no. It's hard to make him feel like he doesn't deserve the same opportunities that the girls get. Hard to let him believe nobody wants him to stay because they think he won't.
I've gone through it with each one of my kids. Leirin always spent the weekend with my mom. Once Emily got big enough to want to go, my mom would call and tell me to have Leirin come straight out to meet her because she had to go do this or that. Truth was, she thought if she didn't see Emily cry, it didn't happen. Finally, I refused to lie to Em anymore and sneak her sister away from her just to make someone feel less guilty. Sneaking didn't lessen Em's pain at being left, it increased it because she had been tricked. I couldn't do that, and I haven't done it with Jake either. For a very long time he was happy just to spend a few hours playing, then he'd come home. He didn't care to spend the night. It didn't mean he would never want to though, but in my mom's eyes it did, and each time Jake would ask to spend the night, her response was "You won't spend the night. You'll get in there at bedtime and want to go home." It's true he has asked to come home sometimes, but so have the girls.
I talked with Jake and explained to him that MaMa may not be able to have both of them to spend the night. It's a lot of work to watch after two kids, and my she was tired. My grandma is 77 years old and though she can work rings around me and most 30 something people, by nighttime, she is tired. I wasn't going to stop him from asking, but I told him if she said "maybe next time" he would have to accept that as a no, and he said ok. He just wanted the chance. He skipped across the yard to my grandma's house next door. He met my mom on the way there and when he told her he was going to ask if he could spend the night too, my mom practically yelled "NO SIR! You won't stay!" so Jake turned and went running back across the yard crying. I love my mom but she has never stopped to consider that he has stayed the night with everyone else he's gone to stay with and it's most likely because they never tell him "he won't stay." or threaten to whip him if he asks to come home. I don't think I'd go stay either. I love my mom but she's just as bad to play favorites with grandkids as she was to choose my brother over me.
So Jake spent the night with my grandma. It's 8:07am and he's still there. Yay Jakey! If my mom would ever show such confidence in him instead of threatening a whipping if he changes his mind, I think she'd find he would change his mind less often. Who'd have thunk it?
My mom and dad planned a cookout yesterday at the last minute. Not that it was difficult to do; my brother and his wife are already living with my mom while they wait for their new house to be completed, and since my pop ends up at my mom's house most weekends or days off, all it required was a call to me and a chat with my grandma next door. My husband closed the restaurant early due to lack of interest from customers, so even he was able to make the trip with us. The kids were excited, dad usually only gets to be off work on Thanksgiving and Christmas day, so it was an event.
My sister-in-law's parents were there visiting when we arrived. Her mom has Alzheimers and it's heartbreaking. I remember this woman when she was probably my age. A sharp-as-a-tack red-head with a strong, clear voice and a wit to match, she had been. Not now. Now she sits staring blankly at the action around her, looking like she's lost and confused. I watch my sister-in-law and my heart aches for her - the mama's girl of her family, the baby, the one with a new baby of her own that her own mother now doesn't recognize much of the time. My mother-in-law didn't live to see our last child born and that pains me. There have been so many moments I wish I could have shared with her- that I wish she could have shared with him. I wonder if my sister-in-law feels like that about her mom even though she is still living and it makes my heart ache more. I'm often left wondering, after I see her, if people with this disease are clear-minded inside and just incapable of getting thoughts out. Like, maybe she watches my nephew play and thinks "That baby is getting so big, he's just like you were when you were little. And look at his hair, it will be red yet - he has the temper, that's for sure. Blow grandma a kiss big boy." but all that will come out is "I don't know what to say." I sincerely hope not. It's a wicked disease.
When the patties were pounded and the grill was hot, we headed out back to the grill while the kids went screaming for the pool. Jake is becoming the master of the dog paddle in his new swim suit with built in floaty thingies. That boy cuts through the water like a hot knife through butter now. If only he could close his mouth and stop swallowing so much of it. Occasionally he will get caught in the face by a wave created by the girls' splashing and when he's finished choking and belching, he will give me a thumbs up and paddle on. They had been in the pool just long enough to get wet real good when thunder rolled in the distance, just faint enough for us to wonder if it might be fireworks. Just a few minutes later from over the tops of the tall oak trees, came a patch of clouds dark as night. As they slid across the sky above the tree-tops a wind whipped underneath them, sending leaves from the big oaks twirling through the air toward the ground. Unmistakable thunder clapped loudly close by this time, and we hustled the kids out of the pool and to the safety of the house. We just managed to get the food off the grill before the rain came. We sat inside the house, chowing down and marveling at how fast that storm had come from out of the blue. Emily ate an incredible 2 cheeseburgers AND a hotdog, some chips, and a piece of cake for desert. WOW! I hope she wasn't up all night with a tummy ache. The kids got to go swimming again a couple hours later when the storm had passed through, and they were finally happy.
Emily asked my grandma if she could spend the night with her since nany's house is so crowded with my brother's family living there and just getting settled in. Of course, that meant Jake wanted to stay too. It's hard to know what to do when Jake asks to spend the night with someone because he has a history of not staying. He used to go to my mom's and once dark rolled around, he was ready to come home. "But Nany," he'd say "I've aw-weady spent the night a wong time." and I'd have to pick him up. Lately though, he's been actually spending the night - except for that last time when he came home with a tummy ache. It's hard to tell him no. It's hard to make him feel like he doesn't deserve the same opportunities that the girls get. Hard to let him believe nobody wants him to stay because they think he won't.
I've gone through it with each one of my kids. Leirin always spent the weekend with my mom. Once Emily got big enough to want to go, my mom would call and tell me to have Leirin come straight out to meet her because she had to go do this or that. Truth was, she thought if she didn't see Emily cry, it didn't happen. Finally, I refused to lie to Em anymore and sneak her sister away from her just to make someone feel less guilty. Sneaking didn't lessen Em's pain at being left, it increased it because she had been tricked. I couldn't do that, and I haven't done it with Jake either. For a very long time he was happy just to spend a few hours playing, then he'd come home. He didn't care to spend the night. It didn't mean he would never want to though, but in my mom's eyes it did, and each time Jake would ask to spend the night, her response was "You won't spend the night. You'll get in there at bedtime and want to go home." It's true he has asked to come home sometimes, but so have the girls.
I talked with Jake and explained to him that MaMa may not be able to have both of them to spend the night. It's a lot of work to watch after two kids, and my she was tired. My grandma is 77 years old and though she can work rings around me and most 30 something people, by nighttime, she is tired. I wasn't going to stop him from asking, but I told him if she said "maybe next time" he would have to accept that as a no, and he said ok. He just wanted the chance. He skipped across the yard to my grandma's house next door. He met my mom on the way there and when he told her he was going to ask if he could spend the night too, my mom practically yelled "NO SIR! You won't stay!" so Jake turned and went running back across the yard crying. I love my mom but she has never stopped to consider that he has stayed the night with everyone else he's gone to stay with and it's most likely because they never tell him "he won't stay." or threaten to whip him if he asks to come home. I don't think I'd go stay either. I love my mom but she's just as bad to play favorites with grandkids as she was to choose my brother over me.
So Jake spent the night with my grandma. It's 8:07am and he's still there. Yay Jakey! If my mom would ever show such confidence in him instead of threatening a whipping if he changes his mind, I think she'd find he would change his mind less often. Who'd have thunk it?
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