Perspective
We spent the weekend visiting Doug's uncle - my most favorite person in his entire family. People often describe someone as being "a joy" and Uncle Terry is. I first met him when Doug and I were dating. After I had met Doug's parents, the next step was meeting Uncle Terry and Aunt Maggie. Uncle Terry just oozes childishness. He was in his late 70s when I first met him but, aside from my own grandma, I've never met someone so full of fire and foolishness.
When Doug and his dad took me to the pond to show me how to fish, nobody got a bigger belly laugh when I sat on the bank and outfished the two fishermen 13-1. It became one of his favorite stories. A few weeks after we returned home, Uncle Terry sent mail with pictures of my big catch - an impressive string of good-sized bass. Any time he and Maggie came to visit, he showed up with noise toys for the kids and lots of treats and toys for the animals because Uncle Terry just loves dogs (and he's much too kind hearted to leave the cats out). Visits were looked forward to with much excitement and anticipation. Uncle Terry had a knack for finding the most cool gifts - like the parrot that spoke or the bird that mounted on the ceiling and flew in circles from the string that kept it safely attached.
Aunt Maggie became ill several years ago - fluid on the brain - and she required many surgeries and trips to the doctor for shunts and treatments of one kind or another. For the last years of her life, Uncle Terry waited on her hand and foot, and his health suffered greatly as a result. When we saw him at the funeral, he was only a shadow of the man he'd once been...so heavily medicated and beaten down by life that he could hardly summon the energy to speak. We were very happy to arrive and find him so much closer to the man we remembered from long ago before Maggie became ill. He isn't the same, of course, a lot of time has gone by and his health is in quick decline. He is in constant pain. He battles bouts of severe depression. And he is lonely. Anyone would be after losing the person they'd spent more than fifty years with.
He called before we left for the trip down and asked me for pictures of our new house. He's so disappointed that he can't travel to come see us. So I cleared the camera memory card and I took pictures all through the house inside and out. He was so pleased to see all the room we have now and know the kids can go outside without fear of being run over by speeding students, and that they now have bicycles, and the dogs can run far enough to make their tongues fall out of their mouths with great panting.
The visit was wonderful. He dug out old cassette tapes of Doug when he was just a little boy. Uncle Terry liked to 'interview' people and record it for posterity. He had a voice so powerful he could have beat out any of the top news anchors today for their jobs had he ever been interested in such a thing. He told stories of Aunt Maggie's travels and adventures he'd had, and of course he told tales of Doug as a kid. He and Maggie never had children and Doug and his sister were as good as their own. Maggie had an important career, Terry did too. He designed bridges and she had a government job.
Saturday night I was in the room Jacob was sleeping in. Actually, I was waiting on whoever was in the bathroom to get out so I could get in there. I noticed several pictures on the wall that I've never paid attention to before when I've gone to visit. Doug and I have always slept in one of the other bedrooms and I guess I've just walked right past the door to this room without paying attention to the treasures it held. one wall was covered with all kinds of certificates with important looking seals and signatures. A certificate that noted Aunt Maggie had flown on Air Force One as a guest of the president. Another certificate that was given to her as one of the members of the president's delegation when Nixon visited China in 1972. And there, between the framed certificates, was a picture of Nixon and his crew, Maggie included, standing on the Great Wall of China. Jacob is very interested in the great wall and in this picture you could see it stretch out for what seemed like miles and miles over the hills behind the people. A large frame held a map that detailed all of her travels with the president and their missions. Another certificate with a very cool seal on it said that she was at the launch of Apollo II in July of 1969 as a guest of NASA and the Vice President of the United States. Just above this hung a picture of the launch and another picture of each of the astronauts and signed by each. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins...my brother's heros. I don't think I ever realized before all the really cool things she had done. The desk held a personal diary of her trip to China. Uncle Terry offered to make copies of it for me to have when Jake and I study China. Things like this will surely make it more interesting for both of us. Pieces of actual history that she was involved - incredible things that she has seen and been a part of. I wish I'd had the sense to ask her more about it.
Uncle Terry told us stories, he gave me the bottle (empty, of course) of wine she was given by the Chinese government and a really cool tin of Chinese cigarettes. It finally made sense why she'd chose to decorate her living room with Chinese art and furniture...beautiful pieces she got to find and fall in love with while she was there.
We got ready to leave this afternoon. The kids had been loaded into the car and the rooms we stayed in had returned to their normal state. Terry walked us to the door to say goodbye and he started to cry. "I may not ever see you again," he said, and we both knew - though we desperately hoped against it - that it might be true.
And we stood there not knowing what to say or do except to hug him and tell him that we love him and we will be sure to come back soon. We left, still wondering what we could have said, knowing that nothing will change the course that is set now, wishing we had spent more time before when more of it was available. But it hadn't seemed so important then...there was always time. Now there isn't, and we may very well not see him again. The pain in his eyes when he looked at Doug for what he was sure was probably the very last time, it haunts me tonight. It makes me ache. I feel like such a fool for missing all those opportunities we've let slip by. Time catches up with us. It runs out. And we never see it coming until we are right there at the finish line.
When Doug and his dad took me to the pond to show me how to fish, nobody got a bigger belly laugh when I sat on the bank and outfished the two fishermen 13-1. It became one of his favorite stories. A few weeks after we returned home, Uncle Terry sent mail with pictures of my big catch - an impressive string of good-sized bass. Any time he and Maggie came to visit, he showed up with noise toys for the kids and lots of treats and toys for the animals because Uncle Terry just loves dogs (and he's much too kind hearted to leave the cats out). Visits were looked forward to with much excitement and anticipation. Uncle Terry had a knack for finding the most cool gifts - like the parrot that spoke or the bird that mounted on the ceiling and flew in circles from the string that kept it safely attached.
Aunt Maggie became ill several years ago - fluid on the brain - and she required many surgeries and trips to the doctor for shunts and treatments of one kind or another. For the last years of her life, Uncle Terry waited on her hand and foot, and his health suffered greatly as a result. When we saw him at the funeral, he was only a shadow of the man he'd once been...so heavily medicated and beaten down by life that he could hardly summon the energy to speak. We were very happy to arrive and find him so much closer to the man we remembered from long ago before Maggie became ill. He isn't the same, of course, a lot of time has gone by and his health is in quick decline. He is in constant pain. He battles bouts of severe depression. And he is lonely. Anyone would be after losing the person they'd spent more than fifty years with.
He called before we left for the trip down and asked me for pictures of our new house. He's so disappointed that he can't travel to come see us. So I cleared the camera memory card and I took pictures all through the house inside and out. He was so pleased to see all the room we have now and know the kids can go outside without fear of being run over by speeding students, and that they now have bicycles, and the dogs can run far enough to make their tongues fall out of their mouths with great panting.
The visit was wonderful. He dug out old cassette tapes of Doug when he was just a little boy. Uncle Terry liked to 'interview' people and record it for posterity. He had a voice so powerful he could have beat out any of the top news anchors today for their jobs had he ever been interested in such a thing. He told stories of Aunt Maggie's travels and adventures he'd had, and of course he told tales of Doug as a kid. He and Maggie never had children and Doug and his sister were as good as their own. Maggie had an important career, Terry did too. He designed bridges and she had a government job.
Saturday night I was in the room Jacob was sleeping in. Actually, I was waiting on whoever was in the bathroom to get out so I could get in there. I noticed several pictures on the wall that I've never paid attention to before when I've gone to visit. Doug and I have always slept in one of the other bedrooms and I guess I've just walked right past the door to this room without paying attention to the treasures it held. one wall was covered with all kinds of certificates with important looking seals and signatures. A certificate that noted Aunt Maggie had flown on Air Force One as a guest of the president. Another certificate that was given to her as one of the members of the president's delegation when Nixon visited China in 1972. And there, between the framed certificates, was a picture of Nixon and his crew, Maggie included, standing on the Great Wall of China. Jacob is very interested in the great wall and in this picture you could see it stretch out for what seemed like miles and miles over the hills behind the people. A large frame held a map that detailed all of her travels with the president and their missions. Another certificate with a very cool seal on it said that she was at the launch of Apollo II in July of 1969 as a guest of NASA and the Vice President of the United States. Just above this hung a picture of the launch and another picture of each of the astronauts and signed by each. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins...my brother's heros. I don't think I ever realized before all the really cool things she had done. The desk held a personal diary of her trip to China. Uncle Terry offered to make copies of it for me to have when Jake and I study China. Things like this will surely make it more interesting for both of us. Pieces of actual history that she was involved - incredible things that she has seen and been a part of. I wish I'd had the sense to ask her more about it.
Uncle Terry told us stories, he gave me the bottle (empty, of course) of wine she was given by the Chinese government and a really cool tin of Chinese cigarettes. It finally made sense why she'd chose to decorate her living room with Chinese art and furniture...beautiful pieces she got to find and fall in love with while she was there.
We got ready to leave this afternoon. The kids had been loaded into the car and the rooms we stayed in had returned to their normal state. Terry walked us to the door to say goodbye and he started to cry. "I may not ever see you again," he said, and we both knew - though we desperately hoped against it - that it might be true.
And we stood there not knowing what to say or do except to hug him and tell him that we love him and we will be sure to come back soon. We left, still wondering what we could have said, knowing that nothing will change the course that is set now, wishing we had spent more time before when more of it was available. But it hadn't seemed so important then...there was always time. Now there isn't, and we may very well not see him again. The pain in his eyes when he looked at Doug for what he was sure was probably the very last time, it haunts me tonight. It makes me ache. I feel like such a fool for missing all those opportunities we've let slip by. Time catches up with us. It runs out. And we never see it coming until we are right there at the finish line.
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