I've had ceiling fans packed in boxes and ready to hang for the last six months. All that time they've sat in whatever closet I could find the space to store them because I have this thing about heights. And electricity. I don't want to do either. So Thursday night Poppie came over and stayed the night with us so we could spend the day Friday hanging fans. Pop can do that now because it appears he is officially retired. Yay Pop!
I love my pop. He's an extraordinary man. He helps me with all kinds of house stuff, but that's not why I love him. He is always helping somebody - while letting his own to-do list go. He makes time to spend with us. He visits every Friday and we have dinner together. He plans vacations with my mom (they've been divorced for 29 years) so they can spend time away with the grandkids. He's a big kid himself. He's the master of the rip-off machine...those bog boxes full of toys with crane hooks that don't close tight enough to actually lift anything...he's got a system and he can win something almost every time. No matter that he may sit there and feed the machine $10.00 to win a couple of cheap little toys. It's the thrill of the game, the giggling like little kids, it's the excitement over such a little thing that can be so major for kids...and my pop is good at it.
When Doug called Friday afternoon and asked if I wanted to sneak out for what would probably be our one chance to go shop for gifts together, Pop stayed home with the kids and we planned to meet for dinner. We got to spend a really fun four hours shopping for gifts for the kids. Our first holiday shopping trip for gifts in ten years. Normally, Doug has to work, and though we have shopped on the same day, all of his shopping usually happens on that day. We split up the kids and head off in different directions. It was wonderful having this evening alone to match kids and gift ideas. Until we got to Emily.
Emily works with her dad on Saturdays if she isn't spending the weekend at her nany's. She usually comes home with a little ceramic gift bought with money she earned that day - usually she buys something for Leirin or Jacob, but sometimes she finds something that reminds her of my grandma or her nany, so she buys it for them. And she's brought lots of things for me. She saves the rest of the money she earns and once every couple of months, she adds another hundred dollars to her savings account.
I've shopped with her on several occasions this year, and each time we go I watch her as she browses, hoping to get clues to what she'd really like. And every time we've gone, each squeal of delight over finding something is followed by her placing it in the buggy - with her own purchases. Not one of them is for her.
Not. One.
Not one time has she considered buying something for herself, except the latest Hillary Duff CD. She puts the receipt for everything she buys into the little box. One out of every ten receipts shows something bought for herself. Just one.
So Friday night Doug and I walked around the stores looking for things each of the kids would enjoy. Leirin is easy for me because her tastes are changing. She turns to more adult things to entertain herself - dramas on television and in books, no make up yet, but she loves lotions and bath things that smell good, painting her nails and jewelry. That makes buying for her very simple and opens up another world of things that are suitable for her.
Jake is also easy. Remote control cars, Spiderman, Yugi-Oh, and Pokemon, comic books, Captain Underpants, Gameboy games...it's all good. And makes him one easy to shop for kid.
But shopping for Emily soon became a heartache.
As we walked through the stores looking for something we thought she would enjoy we realized we didn't know what she wanted. I started to ache, really ache, thinking that I overlooked her often enough that I really do not know her well enough to shop for her. I felt like such a bad mom walking around with a buggy full of gifts the oldest and youngest were sure to enjoy and it pained me so to think that I had allowed Emily to become the lost one - the middle child. Have I ignored her?
We met Pop and the kids for dinner just after 8:00. Still empty-handed on the Emily gift front. When we got home I called my mom so I could talk to Em before she went to bed (she spent the weekend there). Emily answered the phone, her voice full of excitement as she told me about the gifts she bought each of the children in her class and the gifts for each of the fourth grade teachers. Even the wickedly mean little girl named Lauren that has hurt Emily's feelings enough to make her come home and cry about it more times than I care to count got a well thought out, sweet and thoughtful gift. At this point Emily has bought, with her own money, gifts for more than 40 people. She has bought nothing, NOTHING for herself. And I sat here as she told me about each gift, which she came home and wrapped all by herself, and my heart broke because I had not been able to think of a single thing to buy for a little girl with a heart like that.
I feel like such an awful mom.
I love my pop. He's an extraordinary man. He helps me with all kinds of house stuff, but that's not why I love him. He is always helping somebody - while letting his own to-do list go. He makes time to spend with us. He visits every Friday and we have dinner together. He plans vacations with my mom (they've been divorced for 29 years) so they can spend time away with the grandkids. He's a big kid himself. He's the master of the rip-off machine...those bog boxes full of toys with crane hooks that don't close tight enough to actually lift anything...he's got a system and he can win something almost every time. No matter that he may sit there and feed the machine $10.00 to win a couple of cheap little toys. It's the thrill of the game, the giggling like little kids, it's the excitement over such a little thing that can be so major for kids...and my pop is good at it.
When Doug called Friday afternoon and asked if I wanted to sneak out for what would probably be our one chance to go shop for gifts together, Pop stayed home with the kids and we planned to meet for dinner. We got to spend a really fun four hours shopping for gifts for the kids. Our first holiday shopping trip for gifts in ten years. Normally, Doug has to work, and though we have shopped on the same day, all of his shopping usually happens on that day. We split up the kids and head off in different directions. It was wonderful having this evening alone to match kids and gift ideas. Until we got to Emily.
Emily works with her dad on Saturdays if she isn't spending the weekend at her nany's. She usually comes home with a little ceramic gift bought with money she earned that day - usually she buys something for Leirin or Jacob, but sometimes she finds something that reminds her of my grandma or her nany, so she buys it for them. And she's brought lots of things for me. She saves the rest of the money she earns and once every couple of months, she adds another hundred dollars to her savings account.
I've shopped with her on several occasions this year, and each time we go I watch her as she browses, hoping to get clues to what she'd really like. And every time we've gone, each squeal of delight over finding something is followed by her placing it in the buggy - with her own purchases. Not one of them is for her.
Not. One.
Not one time has she considered buying something for herself, except the latest Hillary Duff CD. She puts the receipt for everything she buys into the little box. One out of every ten receipts shows something bought for herself. Just one.
So Friday night Doug and I walked around the stores looking for things each of the kids would enjoy. Leirin is easy for me because her tastes are changing. She turns to more adult things to entertain herself - dramas on television and in books, no make up yet, but she loves lotions and bath things that smell good, painting her nails and jewelry. That makes buying for her very simple and opens up another world of things that are suitable for her.
Jake is also easy. Remote control cars, Spiderman, Yugi-Oh, and Pokemon, comic books, Captain Underpants, Gameboy games...it's all good. And makes him one easy to shop for kid.
But shopping for Emily soon became a heartache.
As we walked through the stores looking for something we thought she would enjoy we realized we didn't know what she wanted. I started to ache, really ache, thinking that I overlooked her often enough that I really do not know her well enough to shop for her. I felt like such a bad mom walking around with a buggy full of gifts the oldest and youngest were sure to enjoy and it pained me so to think that I had allowed Emily to become the lost one - the middle child. Have I ignored her?
We met Pop and the kids for dinner just after 8:00. Still empty-handed on the Emily gift front. When we got home I called my mom so I could talk to Em before she went to bed (she spent the weekend there). Emily answered the phone, her voice full of excitement as she told me about the gifts she bought each of the children in her class and the gifts for each of the fourth grade teachers. Even the wickedly mean little girl named Lauren that has hurt Emily's feelings enough to make her come home and cry about it more times than I care to count got a well thought out, sweet and thoughtful gift. At this point Emily has bought, with her own money, gifts for more than 40 people. She has bought nothing, NOTHING for herself. And I sat here as she told me about each gift, which she came home and wrapped all by herself, and my heart broke because I had not been able to think of a single thing to buy for a little girl with a heart like that.
I feel like such an awful mom.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home