Time And Tide

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose. Lyndon B.Johnson

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Chasing my tail

I'm not very good at keeping up with things lately. No news there. We spent the day yesterday looking at houses again - found two good possibilities, and I discovered that I'm just too weird for words.
The first house is a lovely little log cabin on a nearby mountain. It's 24 miles away from Doug's work, has beautiful seasonal views of the mountains on 3 sides, is well laid out, very low maintenance and with the basement we could eek out the extra space that we'd need. The 10 acres that come along with it has areas flat enough to make a beautiful pasture and it has enough hardwoods that we could have it logged and cover part of the cost for fencing or barn building.
The other house is nothing to squeal about but the land is great. Six acres already fenced and crossfenced, a barn that's probably worth more than the house and privacy galore while still offering a real neighborhood nearby that would provide (most likely) kids for my kids to play with.
And what do I do?
I sit down last night and tell my husband I want to live in the house that needs the new roof, wiring, plumbing and a complete overhaul on the inside. That house just calls to me for some reason. I stand in the front yard and my heart whispers "home". I just love it there. From the beautiful yard with the cushiony planting of zoysia, the variety of nut trees, the distance from the road, the circle of ent-like trees surrounding a small, round clearing in the edge of the woods out back, to the charming house with more than enough room for us and such personality. This home has known happiness. It knows life. It seems to know me and what I need.We'll be having someone to look at the house to get ideas on the cost of repairs and upgrades that will be necessary and talking offers (if all goes well) with the people who are handling the estate of the sisters that lived there to get either a better price or more land (hopefully the latter).
I have an idea where furniture will go, what flooring and wallcovering I'd like to put where, and what spot I would find myself sitting at most often. Pasture would be easy enough to run and the barn could be saved with little effort since only the last 20 feet or so is damaged. I'm sold...now we just have to wait and see.
Hate that part.

In other news, Leirin won her class spelling bee yesterday and will move on to the school-wide bee. As a former 6th grade spelling bee champ myself (though you'd never know it now) I'm proud of her. She spent last night going through the dictionary to learn new words. She doesn't want to be unprepared. She is growing up so fast. Twice yesterday she stopped me in my tracks and left me awed at how much she is changing. Every time I passed her she had either the dictionary in her hands, studying for the upcoming spelling bee, or she was reading The Illiad. She's quiet but strong...still young but completely sure - confident. She is led by her own interest in things and determined to find out what she wants to know. I never know what to expect from her anymore and she never fails to make me stop and watch in wonder.
It's impressive. I watch her grow, change, and mature. She is such a far cry from the baby I once held in my arms - the child that could be entertained by simply tossing a wadded up napkin in her lap as she moved back and forth in her wind-up baby swing. That always cracked her up. And still somehow she remains that baby I remember holding in my arms the night she was born when suddenly I realized exactly why my mom's voice seemed to crack each time she said "One day you'll have a little boy or girl and then you'll know."
Thesedays Leirin is likely to be completely entertained by the absurd. I watch her with her friends and remember being just as overflowing with giggles and silliness, but the part of her that knows herself well enough to have a plan for her life peeks through, even then. She is doing the near impossible job of being a kid while making plans to realize her dream. She knows herself - knows what she wants from her life.
Her plans are more well developed and sensible than many people have by the time they are 25...and she's only 12.
These moments come along with each of my kids occasionally - moments when I look at them and catch a glimpse of the adult they will become.
They make me proud, they amaze me, and I know I am blessed.

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