After
Jake and Emily had their adenoids removed yesterday. Jake’s doing just dandy – he ate about a case of yogurt and Popsicles and had two hot dogs for dinner. It’s like he’s not had a thing done. He was very sick right after his surgery, but once it passed he was doing just fine. Em, on the other hand, is having a rough time of it. She did well in the recovery room, but she was drowsy for most of the night and is in a lot of pain from her throat and a headache. The doctor said it could be either from the anesthesia, the adenoid removal, or the deep incision into the muscle of her neck he had to make to remove a mole that looked suspicious. Emily has a problem with abnormal moles.
It was a very stressful day for me. It’s so hard to turn them completely over to someone else, to know that whatever may go wrong, you’ll not know about it until it’s done, and there will be nothing you can do even then. It’s a level of surrender that ties my stomach in knots and stays with me for a long time afterwards. Jake went in with no problem but by the time they came for Emily, she had waited long enough to get nervous. She cried and she begged me not to make her go. She couldn’t do it, she said, she was too afraid. It takes a different kind of strength to listen to the pleading and not fall apart or give in. I don’t know where the strength comes from but thank goodness it does. It gets me through until the end, pretty much holding as steady as I need to be. I can’t let myself experience the fear of ‘what if’ until I see the results before me, when I know the answer to all of them. I don’t know if it’s easier or more difficult that way but it keeps me from falling apart while it’s happening, when it’s the strong me that my kids need. It’s the best I can be, I suppose. I’m just glad it’s over.
It was a very stressful day for me. It’s so hard to turn them completely over to someone else, to know that whatever may go wrong, you’ll not know about it until it’s done, and there will be nothing you can do even then. It’s a level of surrender that ties my stomach in knots and stays with me for a long time afterwards. Jake went in with no problem but by the time they came for Emily, she had waited long enough to get nervous. She cried and she begged me not to make her go. She couldn’t do it, she said, she was too afraid. It takes a different kind of strength to listen to the pleading and not fall apart or give in. I don’t know where the strength comes from but thank goodness it does. It gets me through until the end, pretty much holding as steady as I need to be. I can’t let myself experience the fear of ‘what if’ until I see the results before me, when I know the answer to all of them. I don’t know if it’s easier or more difficult that way but it keeps me from falling apart while it’s happening, when it’s the strong me that my kids need. It’s the best I can be, I suppose. I’m just glad it’s over.
1 Comments:
When my 6 year old nearly cut his foot off, I couldn't believe the sense of helplessness. I remember seeing all the blood and there was nothing I could do about it but rush him to the hospital. I wanted to be the doctor so I could take care of it. Anyway, it was a long night, and now you wouldn't even know that he had ever had such a serious cut to his foot. There is a faint scar that runs from the one side of his foot, underneath, and up a short ways on the other side. Thank God!
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