I've tried creating this blog at least half a dozen times over the last few days and each time I get started someone closes out my window while I'm away from the computer and POOF! I've not been blog lucky recently. I've had to delete my original blog because it just stopped updating and no amount of trying or reading "help" articles was helping so I gave up. At some point in time I may place my posts from my first blog here, but for tonight I'm just interested in getting it started.
Starting is such a difficult thing for me. I think it's why I don't write more than I do...because to write, I have to start and starting is just hard. I need a first line to get me going but I'm not a writer of first lines. I need a lead in - my own personal Ed McMahon. I bet if I had one I could write much more. Hell, just writing at all would be a big step (and yes, I do realize that it is exactly what I'm doing now but I can NOT do it when I need to).
Where to start, let's see...Time and Tide...how about where that came from? Well, once upon a time (a well proven lead in) this week, I made some amazing discoveries while delving into the depths of profoundness with a new friend. She made a statement that set me to thinking, I mean really thinking. All my life I've understood the concept of the quote time and tide wait for no man. It's a fact they don't. Yet I spend a good part of my life bitching about my shortage of time. Now why does it make sense for me to do that? Not only is time not going to wait for me, it sure ain't going to change for me either. So what if I have too many things to fit into a day...that's my problem, not time's. Time just don't care. It isn't going to slow down so I have time to read a book. It's not going to stop so I can clean my whole house then start back up again so it can appear that I didn't have to make beds and scoop litterboxes or clip doggie toe nails.
So what do I do? I waste precious time complaining about the lack of it? Where *is* my head? And I want too much. That's right, I'm too demanding. I want to read and I want to spend time with my kids but I want my house to be the perfect place for my family to be so I spend hours and days and weeks on end remodeling, moving and changing around. What time does that allow me with the kids? NADDA! They don't give a crap if the laundry is done until they run out of clean drawers so why would I think it would matter to them that the house works well for us? Do I really think they believe they would get more time with me if the house was better organized so that it didn't take so much work to keep it clean? Where IS my head?
And while I'm on this track...what is it about me that makes me think all that needs to be done in order for things to work as they should. Why can't I just let them work as it is? Why do I feel the need for perfection first? I don't know. And at the end of all this revelation does it all boil down to me being my own worst enemy? Am I a hazzard to myself like that song says? Or maybe I've just got stuck in this mind set because the song is stuck in my head from hearing it so many times on that cd for sale commercial.
One thing I know for sure I am - scattered. Lately I have felt so disconnected from everything I love and care about. Not distant from my family, but distant from myself. It's as if I am too much. There are so many things I love doing and each of them take TIME and I end up running out of TIME to do half of them then I feel like I'm lost or missing out on something. So there you have it...Time and Tide. My journey to learning to cope with, and make the most of, the time I am afforded is what I'll be putting here. That is, of course, as long as I can find the time to sit here long enough to record it :)
Starting is such a difficult thing for me. I think it's why I don't write more than I do...because to write, I have to start and starting is just hard. I need a first line to get me going but I'm not a writer of first lines. I need a lead in - my own personal Ed McMahon. I bet if I had one I could write much more. Hell, just writing at all would be a big step (and yes, I do realize that it is exactly what I'm doing now but I can NOT do it when I need to).
Where to start, let's see...Time and Tide...how about where that came from? Well, once upon a time (a well proven lead in) this week, I made some amazing discoveries while delving into the depths of profoundness with a new friend. She made a statement that set me to thinking, I mean really thinking. All my life I've understood the concept of the quote time and tide wait for no man. It's a fact they don't. Yet I spend a good part of my life bitching about my shortage of time. Now why does it make sense for me to do that? Not only is time not going to wait for me, it sure ain't going to change for me either. So what if I have too many things to fit into a day...that's my problem, not time's. Time just don't care. It isn't going to slow down so I have time to read a book. It's not going to stop so I can clean my whole house then start back up again so it can appear that I didn't have to make beds and scoop litterboxes or clip doggie toe nails.
So what do I do? I waste precious time complaining about the lack of it? Where *is* my head? And I want too much. That's right, I'm too demanding. I want to read and I want to spend time with my kids but I want my house to be the perfect place for my family to be so I spend hours and days and weeks on end remodeling, moving and changing around. What time does that allow me with the kids? NADDA! They don't give a crap if the laundry is done until they run out of clean drawers so why would I think it would matter to them that the house works well for us? Do I really think they believe they would get more time with me if the house was better organized so that it didn't take so much work to keep it clean? Where IS my head?
And while I'm on this track...what is it about me that makes me think all that needs to be done in order for things to work as they should. Why can't I just let them work as it is? Why do I feel the need for perfection first? I don't know. And at the end of all this revelation does it all boil down to me being my own worst enemy? Am I a hazzard to myself like that song says? Or maybe I've just got stuck in this mind set because the song is stuck in my head from hearing it so many times on that cd for sale commercial.
One thing I know for sure I am - scattered. Lately I have felt so disconnected from everything I love and care about. Not distant from my family, but distant from myself. It's as if I am too much. There are so many things I love doing and each of them take TIME and I end up running out of TIME to do half of them then I feel like I'm lost or missing out on something. So there you have it...Time and Tide. My journey to learning to cope with, and make the most of, the time I am afforded is what I'll be putting here. That is, of course, as long as I can find the time to sit here long enough to record it :)
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